lost and found
you were my bestfriend for 18, but a morning because of my cruel tongue, i sent you away, i sincerely apology and i just wanted to let you know that am thankful for coming back, so please overcome my mistakes and help me open my heart to you because i know i am nothing without you. and i just wanted to say i love you from the bottle of my heart, do you know why ? because you are my father and you have done everything for me, so i will try to give you my heart.

Does it hurt?
why should it? if tears flood my eyes and pour down, then it hurts. if i start having thoughts of death then it hurts. i never saw  this coming, never saw  this fall. i try to pick myself but i can't, i wake up every morning trying to accept my fate, everyday i feel a dark cloud shadowing me.
is it painful? i find many things to distract me, i wish  i had amnesia that's my life,so yes it does. when am happy, iam very high up there when i fall it is hard for me to pick myself up. i hate to pity myself but that's what i doing everyday. am fighting a losing battle, i have lost mysef, my bestfriend. i now convey only with loneliness and sadness, this is not me. i find myself wanting to embrace death. i have feelings of fear then sometimes i feel betrayed, sometimes i feel tired just want to give up. i don't know how to talk to you. you think i am being ungrateful, sometimes i do feel this, but when i wake up to new obstacles, such feeling evaporate. i feel like giving up half way.
Do i feel like a failure? i want to redeem myself but these obstacles are making it difficult for me. you ask me why don't i ask you for help? i don't remember how to ask, i try everyday to talk to you but my heart has blacken, its locked, everyday i feel like just sleeping and never waking up but then i have feeling of where i will go, what will happen to me. i trying so hard not to hate myself, because i still hope that i will reach to you when am ready.
Does it hurt? yes but no one knows, i cry everyday, my body feels strange as if it is not mine. for once my mind and my heart are in sync, both empty, dark. i have lost myself, slowing i know i will vanish me, i really want to ask for help but i can't bring myself to do, i have lost my guardian, my personality. when i look in the mirror, am nothing compared to other people that are in more seriously situations.  A promise is a promise right, do i blame you? sometimes but most of the time i blame myself. i am dying to ask for a second chance but both my body, my heart and my mind won't allow me, they are tied in one. i need to break free, so please me help is what i want to say. i am too young to welcome depression, am too smart to become a lunatic.
Does it burn? yes, all i do is laugh not because it is funny or laughter comes easily. it is because i am empty, i am trying to remember my heart, myself. it is also a mask for everyone who meets me. this is me in a dark hole, all alone. i can't stand that i don't own  anything my heart, my body, my mind. i am a the brink of going crazy.
What did in the world did i forget because the only thing i can remember is the pain, being a failure and how much it burns.

looking or acting timid is just inviting cruelty. It is showing them your vulnerable side, begging them to take advanage of you.

Writer's Block: Ten minutes in heaven
If you could have 10 minutes alone with anyone in the world where you could do or say whatever you wanted without consequences, who would you choose and what would you do?

God, i would ask for forgiveness for today's behaviour but i would also want to ask face to face, why me? because my heart is hurting so much, self confidence has been shattered and i would want him to directly comfort me and give the reasons, this happened

Writer's Block: Bye bye life!
If you could choose the manner in which you would ultimately die, would you? How would you want to depart this world?

is sleep, because then i don't have feel any form of pain and it will be just like a dream i will never wake from

Writer's Block: Comfortably numb
Where is your favorite place to relax?

My room, because it gives me a sense of solitary. i can cry and no one will ever know apart from the walls within my room that keep such a secret and also when i am happy it changes it colour, which also applies to when am feeling depressed, sad and sad. You could say my room is bestfriend(most trusted friend).

what is the most scariest things?
Us, humans. one minute you are laughing the next second you are hating. I ask what makes us scary? its what we are capable of saying, doing to destory or save, it is the desire that makes us scary, the greed to want something that isn't meant for you.NO it's the difference between us, its the fact that we hurt. People's hearts are full of cracks and for some this is their drive. Life is scary, in this life we can't sleep with both eyes closed. Selfishness is scary this is everyone's motivation, selfless is becoming rare. This is what is scary. Nowadays when you fall , it is hard to  get up because humans would have already crashed you before you even if get the courage.Trust is a funny word, a laughable thing in this life but we are all familiar with betrayal, if we trust we should be prepared to feel this feeling BETRAYAL it sounds like the after taste of Medicine Bitter and it is. People, now carry umbrellas not for a rainy but shield themselves from eachother and this life. which makes this Life and Humans scary.


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